


Not every love story is a fairytale

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Open Relationships, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Love is one of the strongest feelings that exists, it can make you reborn as a phoenix after being turned into ashes, it can be the light that illuminates your path in the darkest moments of your life, it can help you learn to love yourself, to know how much you're worth as a person, thanks to the help of someone who allows you to see yourself through their eyes. Love can heal.But that strength can turn into something darker, it can be the fire that turns you into ashes, it can be the darkness that turns off your day-to-day light, it can generate insecurities that you didn't have before, makes you vulnerable and you can get extremely damaged, losing your self-esteem and all the good things you had.This is the story of how something full of light and happiness can become dark and toxic. A story that won't have a happy ending.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Not every love story is a fairytale

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The feelings and situations described here are not ment to state some kind of judgment or anything like that about open relationships. That's totally okay if the couple agree with that, so please don't take this as something more than fiction.

Like every Friday, Jaehyun was waiting for Doyoung outside the building where he worked. As the youngest came out early from work on the last day of the week, they took advantage of going home together. When he saw him, the older came up with a smile and gave his boyfriend a delicate kiss on the lips, putting his arms arround his neck. "How was your day? Lots of blueprints to check?" the dimple boy asked.

"Don't mention it yet, we're not done working on the blueprints for the offices of the company we're working with. At what point did I think being an architect was a good idea?" Doyoung sighed, tiredly, as he walked through the parking meter with his boyfriend while holding hands, they almost reached the car. "But stop talking about me, how did it go to you? they accepted your story? Are they going to publish it?" the boy asked with hopeful eyes, he knew how much Jaehyun had been working on that story, It had taken him weeks to get in touch with the right people to get an interview with the former president of a pharmacy chain who was accused of fraud, and was very proud when he was able to finish writing his work. "No, it was rejected, they said the company had paid enough money not to publish anything on the subject. But it's okay, there can always be another time to do better" The boy tried to sound optimistic, but his boyfriend knew he wasn't okay, he had been so excited by the idea of being the main article of the newspaper, and had worked so hard day and night to get that interview. It wasn't fair, but there was nothing he could do about it.   
He slowly brought Jaehyun's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles as he said "Don't worry, love, something better and bigger is yet to come, just wait a little longer," he opened the passenger door and asked the boy to come in "come on, go up, I drive home."

The journey was quiet and quiet, both were tired, so they let the radio's teate music invade the place as they made their way home. Once they arrived, Doyoung proposed ordering delivery food -at Jaehyun's choice, obviously- and while they waited, the older prepared a tub bath with relaxing salts

Once the meal arrived, they took 2 glasses, a bottle of champagne and shoved into the tub while relaxing together and enjoying some peace after a few pretty stressful weeks. Lazy kisses and caresses underwater filled the evening and, when the water was starting to cool, they dried and put on comfortable pajamas, then went to the bedroom and watch a romantic comedy while Jaehyun surrounded Doyoung with his legs and caressed his hair until the boy fell asleep on his chest. Jaehyun loved to see his boyfriend sleep, he looked like a bunny sighing between dreams and the way he frowned from time to time was the most adorable thing in the world for him. When the film ended, the younger one settled Doyoung on his side of the bed and covered them both with the sheets.  Suddenly, he felt an arms running around his waist and bringing him to himself, the older - still half asleep - kissed him on the neck and whispered "thank you, Jae, and don't worry more about the story, okay? You did great, they didn't reject it because it wasn't good enough, 'cause it was. What happened wasn't up to you, so please don't blame yourself, okay?"  Jaehyun wasn't expecting that, and his heart stopped for a moment as he listened to his boyfriend's words. Even while he was in a state of semi-consciousness, he worried that Jaehyun wouldn't feel bad or be blamed himself for his failures. "Thank you, my bunny, thank you for always being by my side," and with that, Jaehyun snuggled even closer to the boy and fell asleep with a smile on his lips and feeling much lighter.

The weekend was very quiet, both guys spent it in their apartment while they cleaned, cooked together - then they had to clean up again - they read and enjoyed each other's company, there was nothing better than a healing time with the person you love, and that was what they both needed at the time. Monday came and a new week began, both guys were excited because Wednesday they would celebrate their 4th anniversary together, the anticipation was getting bigger and bigger

When the long-awaited day came, Doyoung prepared Jaehyun's favorite meal, while the younger decorated the building's rooftop with roses and lights of different colors; they were going to have a romantic dinner in the light of the stars. The food was delicious and, after exchanging some sappy speeches about their feelings, they danced under the moonlight with the bodies together, sharing smiles, staring and kissing each other full of love. At about 1 am the cold became present and they moved into their apartment.

After a few glasses of wine and sloppy kisses, the boys showed how much love they had to each other though the night, exploring over and over the other's body with each sense they had, both had asked for the day off at work, so they had no rush in making love that night. Once they were done, they both lay on the bed, watching the ceiling as they held hands.  _ This, this is what I want for the rest of my life,  _ Doyoung thought, _ I don't want to love someone else, I don't think I can love anyone the way I love you, Jaehyun. You may not be ready yet, but I'll wait for the right moment to let you know , I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jung Yoonoh.   
_ After that, he fell asleep with his head resting on his lover's chest.

The next morning Doyoung woke up to the scent of pancakes coming from the kitchen; usually it was he who was in charge of cooking, so he was surprised to see the table full of delicious food. "Good morning, sleeping beauty," Jaehyun said, approaching his boyfriend and greeting him with a kiss, "last night you cooked, so now it's my turn to treat you well. Sit down at the table, the pancakes are almost ready,"  With a smile on his lips, Doyoung headed to the dining room and poured 2 glass of juice for them. Every time he tasted Jaehyun's food he wondered why he always had to be the one to cook, when his boyfriend was just as talented as he was in the culinary arts - all right, they weren't chefs but the food was decent.

After 15 minutes in which Jaehyun had hardly touched his plate, thoughtfully and a little nervous, Doyoung dared to ask him "what's going on, honey? Something bad happened?" The younger shook his head, without daring to look him in the eye, "listen, there's something I've been thinking about a long time ago, it's just an idea, but I'd really like to try it. Still, there's no wrong answer, if you say yes, great, and if you say no, it's completely fine, it's a decision that depends on both of us...,"  the other boy, nervous at seeing his always eloquent partner ramble so much, interjected "Jae, tell me soon what's going on, you're scaring me." Jaehyun took a deep breath and continued with his question, "What do you think about having an open relationship?" Doyoung's eyes opened so wildly that he looked like a scared bunny, that definitely wan't what he was expecting, not after the decision he had made the night before. 

"W-Why? I am not enough for you?" whispered Doyoung, trying to catch the elusive eyes of Jaehyun, who sat down straightly listening to the question and looked up, "NO, of course not, Doie, I love you, and you know it, don't you?" the other boy nodded weakly, "it's just that... I don't know, we've been together 4 years, 4 wonderful years, but aren't you curious?  Experiencing something else, something new," Jaehyun's eyes shone with enthusiasm as he said this, and Doyoung could feel his heart break at that moment. "Many couples do it and then their bond becomes even stronger. I'm not talking about _being in a relationship with someone else_ , but having a one night stand, no feelings involved, with someone else, what do you say? But remember, it's okay if you say no, I'd totally understand and respect it."

"Can I take some time to think about it, please?" Jaehyun nodded "Sure, honey, there's no hurry, when you're ready to give me an answer, here I will be" and with that they ended the conversation, with an enthusiastic Jaehyun who began to devour his pancakes with joy, as if a weight had been taken off from his shoulders, while Doyoung rose to wash the dishes; now it was him who had that weight on him.

Doyoung was an insecure person about himself, his friends knew it, his family knew it, his co-workers knew it, for God's sake, even his neighbor knew it. And of course, he was also aware of that, _you're probably overthinking it_ , he said to himself, but he couldn't help it, _he says I'm enough for him, but clearly i'm not, I'm not making him as happy as he makes me , what would be the need to be with other people if not?_

_He's probably bored, the shine on his face when he said he wanted to "experience new things," but not with me, "get out of the routine" when the routine is to be with me. That tells me enough._ Doyoung knew that his thoughts were becoming a bigger and bigger snowball with every passing minute, he needed to keep those thoughts out of his mind, he needed to be distracted, something, whatever, to keep him busy.

The next few weeks Doyoung would leave the house before Jaehyun got up, arrive when he knew the other boy would be sleeping and spend the nights on the couch. He didn't want to accept it, but he was trying to avoid Jaehyun at all costs, using the work as his escape route. Everytime Jaehyun stayed up so he could talk to him, everytime Doyoung couldn't get out extremely early in the morning to avoid his boyfriend, the older could see an unanswered question in his eyes, an impatience he knew he was trying to hide, but knowing that this idea excited him so much broke Doyoung's heart over and over again.

He had stopped eating to sleep a little more, due to the short time he allowed himself to spend in the apartment, in the morning he preferred to skip breakfast, and in the afternoon, lunch, in order to rest in the photocopier room, and every time Jaehyun asked if he had thought of his question, everytime he left the computer open on a page that talked about it,  Doyoung's heart ached as if he was being stabbed from the inside, so at night he cried in the car before boarding the apartment. Maybe he was exaggerating, maybe Jaehyun would understand if he said no, but his insecurities were too much, he had seen Jaehyun smile on his phone on different occasions, while texting with someone else. Doyoung didn't want to be paranoid, nor to waych an eye on his boyfriend, he knew Jaehyun very well, but he wouldn't blame him if he was attracted to other people. After all, the relationship of the two was boring, wasn't it? It was normal for him to be interested in someone else, wasn't it? but he knew he wouldn't be cheating on him, he trusted him, but he didn't trust himself, whether he would be good enough for Jaehyun, he loved him too much to hold him into something he knew didn't make him completely happy.

One night, after thinking about it a lot and crying for 2 hours in his car, he made a decision. When he entered the apartment Jaehyun was still awake, as expected; he approached to greet him with a brief kiss on the lips as he prepared to tell him what he hoped was not the worst decision of his life. "Honey, you've come early, are you finally lightening the workload?" Jaehyun looked with innocent eyes at Doyoung, full of love, _yes, this must be the right decision, if he's happy, so am I_. "Yeah, something like that," he took a deep breath and said "I made a decision about... having an _open relationship_ " Jaehyun's eyes lit up with hope and joy, and Doyoung just wanted to run away and cry. S _o hard is loving me only, what do I need to be enough for you? tell me what you want and I'll do it, if I need to change, I will, but why is this the only way for that shine to appear in your eyes?_ "I... Uh... it's okay, we can have an open relationship, you can go out with whoever you want, if that makes you happy" Doyoung didn't dare look him in the eye, he knew he would burst into tears if he did.

"Really? Doie, this is going to be wonderful, I promise, it's going to make our bond stronger. Thanks for understanding, I'm going to call Taeyong and Yuta to tell them we're willing to try it." "No, wait" Doyoung grabbed him by the arm quickly, his chest burned and the tears were on the edge of his eyes - _so much were you waiting for my answer? so anxious were you about being with someone else? it's much simpler If you broke with me._ _Please broke with me if you don't love me with all your heart._ "Don't include me in that, I don't want to be a part of whatever you've talked about. You're free to be with whoever you want, but don't include me in that, please" he swallowed the lump he had in his throat as he stood up, even without looking Jaehyun in the eye, and went to the door, "you can call them while I'm out, I left some papers in the office and I have to go get them, I'll come back later, so don't wait for me"  and with that he went to his car to cry until he fell asleep with his head on the handlebars.  


A few days later Jaehyun told Doyoung that he wouldn't arrive at home that night, as he would be with Taeyong "are you okay with that, aren't you?" Doyoung, who clearly disagreed with the situation, faked a smile and nodded "yes, of course, after all, that's what we agreed."  That night Doyoung was unable to sleep, so he had dark circles and red eyes when Jaehyun arrived the next morning. He couldn't stand the smell of sex and the joy that radiated from his body. When he kissed him when he greeted him, he could feel the smell of Taeyong on his skin. He couldn't take it anymore, when Jaehyun went in to shower, Doyoung took his things and went to work, not without first vomiting outside the building where he lived.

The rest of the month followed the same pattern: Jaehyun would go out, have sex, come home with a goofy smile and glowing eyes and Doyoung would slowly deteriorate, plunged into his sadness and silence. After the third time, Doyoung began to sleep in the office, as he couldn't bear to see his boyfriend arrive in that state, it hurt too much. 

At least there was a gym and a café in the place where he worked, so he could shower and eat without problems. Jaehyun seemed not to notice, as it had become a routine to wake up without Doyoung by his side, as well as go to sleep without him. Sometimes, when the older had to go and get clothes to change, he would go under the sheets with Jaehyun, who would hug him tightly and caress him while he fell asleep.

It was those moments when Doyoung allowed himself not to think of anything else, imagined that things hadn't changed, that Jaehyun was happy with him and only with him and, for a moment, he felt complete again. _Maybe it's just a phase, maybe you'll soon feel that our bond is stronger and everything will be back to normal. Maybe I just have to resist a little longer._  


Doyoung fell asleep in the arms of his beloved, though he felt that their hearts were thousands of feet apart.

One day of the following week Doyoung returned home early as he had to pick up the suit he was going to wear for the presentation of the architectural project he was working on. He came in quietly, as always, and unintentionally heard something he would have preferred not to witness. "Are you ready for tonight?" Taeyong's voice was heard through the loudspeaker "Yuta bought some new chains that we can use tonight between the three of us" the worst of all was the giggle that followed that comment, a laugh that Doyoung knew very well, one that had always been directed at him. "Of course, I'm looking forward to it. Last time was amazing, really, this month I've had the best sex of my life thanks to you. I love Doie, but ours is always so "vanilla," with you guys I've tried things I didn't know I'd like, and oh my god, it's been the best thing to experience."

Doyoung didn't want to hear the rest of the conversation; like a zombie, he took the suit he had left hanging on a chair and left the apartment quietly.

The rest of the day Doyoung was almost in autopilot mode, and after the presentation he asked Johnny - his best friend, who had been by his side all this time, who had offered him his home to move in with him instead of sleeping in an office, and who had told him that what he was doing with Jaehyun was not healthy for either of them, but especially for him- to accompany him to his apartment; he needed extra hands to store his things and put them in the car. As Jaehyun wasn't coming that night, they weren't in a hurry, and once everything was packed, Johnny took the things to his apartment, giving him some time alone to clear his mind.

Doyoung took paper and pencil, and started writing:

_Jaehyun, my Jaehyun, you know I love you, right? I hope you do, I tried to prove it to you every time we were together, but I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, my love for you is too strong, and that's hurting me so bad.._

_I really tried to make this idea of an "open relationship" work just for you, because in your eyes it was clear that you wanted something else, something I wasn't giving to you._  


_ I'm sorry, I'm not as strong as I thought, I gradually went down as I watched you come every night smelling a different guy, knowing that someone else was doing what I would like - what I should - be doing to you. _

_ _

_ I can't take it any more, Jae, I really tried to put up with it, but I can't, I don't have more tears or bits of my heart to break, you've already finished with everything I had without even realizing it, and I don't even blame you, I was the one who allowed this to happen. I should've stopped this earlier, I should've ended our relationship sooner, but I couldn't part with you. _

_ I'd rather you broke up with me, it would've hurt less. That's why I'm writing this to you, I'm not able to say all this to your face, if I don't do it now I won't be able to get away from you, and I need to lose you to start loving me again, I need to recover, to be who I was again. _

_ _

_ I know that somewhere there's someone who's going to love me with all his heart, just like I did with you, willing to spend the rest of his life with me. Someone who's happy being with me and doesn't need anyone else to feel complete, someone who makes me feel complete. I hope you also find that person (or people, who knows, you still have things to experience, that's what you like, and it's completely valid). _

_ Please don't contact me again after reading this letter, as I mentioned, if I'm writiing it is because I'm wouldn't be able to see you without crying. I need to stand my ground with my decision, and I hope you respect it just as I did with yours. _

_ I want to be clear with this: there are no hard feelings between us. I really hope you to find true love. I know I will, even if I fail. _

_ Wish you the best, Jaehyun, I hope you have a good life.  
_

__

_~~Your Little Bunny~~ Doyoung._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are well appreciated 
> 
> Also, I'm planning to do a epilogue give them a proper ending but I'm not sure about that. Please let me know of you'd be interested in reading it!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Silent_f4iry)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Silent_f4iry)


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